You make me wanna die.

I'm not sure what to really make of today. It wasn't good but it wasn't bad...? I don't know. I've had better day. I think I've had worse days. The bad all blend together in my head. I don't realize how shitty I felt until I'm happy again. But I won't be instantly happy, no. I'll be gradually happy, hopefully. But there is something about today that has stuck in my mind. Possibly even accidentally given me false hope. I don't know. I was sitting next to Patrick again today at lunch. Now, he likes to be involved in people's lives so he always asks about stuff with Dylan. When he does ask, I realize that I really do want to talk about things and it all comes spilling out. I don't think he minds listening. So anyway, I'm sitting next to him at lunch and he said, "So I talked to Heidi in the library last period. She doesn't like the way he's been acting lately..." Obviously interested but also unable to hear well, I turned around and faced Patrick. So I guess Patrick talked to Heidi in the library and she probably won't go out with him. Obviously, I'm excited. Part of me wants to run up to him and just scream in his face, "I TOLD YOU! I FUCKING TOLD YOU. YOU BROKE MY HEART FOR NOTHING, YOU DUMB ASS!" but the other half of me wants to be there for him. I want to be there to comfort him and to be that best friend that he needs. But I also wonder if that part of me just wants to be there because I want him to come back to me. I dunno. I'm starting to doubt that what Patrick said was true. I shouldn't be some hopeful. Goddammit. Ugh.

In other news, I'm starting to like The Pretty Reckless. I have two papers to write. I'm skipping half of school tomorrow to go to the beach with my mom. I am tired and I have to pee. I also really need iTunes money so I can buy more ADTR, Adele and Mumford and Sons! rklgnetkubhgetubhklsut! I think I'll go pee now...