1) I check your Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, and Formspring at least 20 times a day. I'm not even following you on Twitter, Tumblr and Formspring anymore though.
2) I have a message on my phone you left me saved. I listen to it at night when I'm crying and I miss you. It's only two words but it's still your voice saying them.
3) I watch the video of us on my iPod every night to hear your voice, to look at you, to see the love in your eyes. It makes me me laugh when I see that we missed each other's mouth when we kissed. Fuck, I miss you!
4) I still have your sweatshirt. When I don't wear it for awhile it smells like you again. When I found that out, I fell to the ground and started crying.
5) I still sleep with koala you gave me on Valentine's Day and the dragon you won me at the bowling alley.
6) Somtimes, when I really miss you, I put the necklace on the necklace you gave me. It reminds me of the good times when I was "the most important person in your life" and "the person you loved the most" and "the person you cared most about."
7) The only reason I'm putting up with this stupid Tumblr fight is because I get to communicate with you some how.
8) If you showed up at my door and begged me to take you back, I would in a heartbeat. Even though I say that I'd make you work your ass off.
9) People don't understand why I'm holding on to you for so long. How do I let go of the person I gave my virginity to?
10) I still have dreams about us being married and having children.
11) You're the reason I cry myself to sleep every other night and want to cut myself every other day.
12) You're the reason I don't cut. I promised you and I don't want to let you down even though you've broken all of the promises you made to me. Even the pinky promises.
13) You confuse me so fucking much sometimes that I get headaches. I don't know what to do or where to go with you sometimes.
14) There isn't one thing that doesn't remind me of you.
15) I still think about you every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day, of every week, of every month of every year.
16) Sometimes I wish I did get pregnant when we sort of had sex. Then you'd have a reason to stay with me and I'd always have a child that reminded me of you. Whether it be little Benjamin Thomas or little Erin who we never picked out a middle name for.
17) I hate everything goddamn thing about you but at the same time, I love every fiber of your being.
18) I hate the fact that I still love you after everything and that you left me for Heidi.
19) I want to pretty much destroy Heidi because she stole you from me but at the same time, I appriciate her existance because she makes you happy.
20) I hate myself. Mostly because of the way you've made me feel. I am disgusted with myself. Truly disgusted.
21) Part of me wants to sneak my mother's liquor or go out with my friends and get high just to get away from the pain.
22) I want to go away. Far away. And never come back. But I know I would come back if you said you missed me.
23) I don't want to be alive. I don't want to die either. I simply wish I had never been born.
24) I secretly want you to feel guilty for causing me so much pain. It makes me feel like you still care about me.
25) Death actually has been sounding better and better to me lately.
26) What the FUCK happened to trying to be best friends?!
27) The deciding factor of whether to join drama or not was to spend time with you. Now I want to quit to get away from you.
28) You're stopping me from being with my friends. Sure, they're your friends too but you're hogging them which means I can't see them.
29) I've always felt insignificant and small compared to you. You can be so mean and intimidating sometimes without even realizing it.
30) You terrify me but you also excite me.
31) I'd give anything to curl up on your lap, listen to your heartbeat and feel your breathing one more time with your arms wrapped around me.
32) For me, it isn't over.
33) I hate you so fucking much some times that it's not even funny.
34) I want you to stop checking up on me but I also want you to keep checking as well.
35) Sometimes I still hope to hear little rocks hitting my window and that you're throwing them. I've always wanted you to do that. But I want you to do that, I'll sneak outside, have my guard up, ask you what you're doing here, then have you kiss me surprise. I'd act shocked and say, "Why the hell would you do that?! ...and why aren't you still doing it?" so you'd smile and kiss me again.
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